So despite the name of this blog, I have been slacking (big time) on my metta practice. Honestly, today was the first day I'd meditated in 3 days...and man, I could see a difference. Everything was...off. Before I sat today my mind was a mess, I was anxious and agitated and worn-out all at the same time.
The interesting thing is I was very aware of these mind states, and that they were there because I wasn't sitting. In the past, I wouldn't have had that awareness and wouldn't have been as mindful of my reactions and conditioning. But now there is the tiniest gap between thoughts arising and my actions. A little stop before I react.
So even when I'm feeling not that great--tired, irritable, anxious, etc.--I'm getting better at keeping my awareness centered and being mindful that those mind-states don't have to influence my actions--that they are just things, habits of the conditioned mind, and not part of me.
But despite that, I'm still not very good at writing when I'm this tired...so I am ending this now before I fade into total incoherence. I wonder if any of this will make sense tomorrow?
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